photo(1) copy( I wrote this 9 months ago in the midst of some pretty tough times. Miss (not so) Fearless didn’t have the courage to post it!  A lot of setbacks and miracles have transpired since I wrote this, but the feelings I had are worth examining. Here goes…)

I had to write today.  After reading another brilliant something written by Glennon Doyle Melton of Momastery, I just couldn’t come up with another excuse. Yes, I let my fears stop me from writing.  Funny, I can’t let my fears stop me from doing, but writing…that’s another story.

Today of all days, I received a big packet in the mail from the county mental health authority, welcoming my child into the system. My first response is fear and worry for my child and how he will be judged.  Well, really, it’s about my own judgement, isn’t it?

You can call it behavioral health, human development, mental health,… but it’s all the same.  I have my preconceived ideas of what that all means.  And it’s based on absolutely no real knowledge or research or experience.  However, based on my current experience and knowledge, those labels are just a way to say that I can get help there. And I need help.

My job is to be a warrior Mom.  I didn’t ask for that job.  I didn’t want that job.  But nonetheless, that is who I am.  Every single day. And I know there are so very many of us being warriors for our children.

I am happy to say that my son just began a new treatment program, in spite of my first response to it.  At first I was angry and I decided it wasn’t for my child.  It was for someone else’s child.   Thank God I was able to get past my own fears and preconceived ideas and actually find out about the treatment program.  We needed it.  I needed it.  I need big time help in learning how to best help my son.

Even in the treatment center, I had to be a warrior Mom.  My nature is to follow the rules and make the best of things.  Today, I fought for a different therapist, one who I feel will truly “see” my beautiful child.  And then be able to help.  God made us all unique one-of-a-kind masterpieces. My child is precious and is crying out for help in the only ways he knows how to do that.  I don’t know how to help him professionally.  But I do know how to fight for him as a warrior.  And I do know how to fight for the well-being and safety of my little family.

Is this treatment program going to help?  I do not know yet.  But I do know that what we have been doing is not working.  The doctor we have been seeing doesn’t “see” my child.  I am hoping and praying that the new therapists and doctors will “get” him.  And help him.  But really, I hope they help me change in order to help him.

And so I wait and pray and hope.  And I swallow my pride and put away my fears and go forth into the unknown. Again.

See you out there.